What Made Me Cry This Week – Yoga

So, usually I stick to books and movies recommendations. But, who cares about consistency? Plus, it still fits with this section’s title.

Today I cried because of yoga. Ok. I didn’t exactly cry, but I cried the way I cry when I watch movies: my lips quivered, I swallowed, and my eyes filled up. I made it go away so no one would see me cry. My eyes filled up like twice.

It’s hard to explain why.

Ever since the end of Thanksgiving I had been feeling this constant emptiness. Like there was something off. I was having a hard time finding energy to do my projects – school related or even personal ones. I did yoga on Monday, but it didn’t solve it. It all still felt heavy. I don’t think I breathed enough during that one.

Tuesday, I felt even worse than the day before. It felt like the day was never going to end, and I just had to live with myself. I wanted to get out of me, but, as with most of us, I was stuck inside.

Then today (Wednesday) came, and I just felt “meh.” I went to work and it was meh. I went to class and it was meh. And everything was meh. Then I did yoga.

It was the normal. Stretching, flexing, holding. Breathing. Trying to smile in painful positions. Then, at the end, we had “shavasana.” Which is basically lying there, resting, breathing. Letting everything flow – meditation.

As I breathed, I could just feel like my whole body was there. Everything was real and it just made me smile that I was alive. Then I felt like crying because it just felt like such a good happiness. A subtle one. A happiness made of breath, of presence. A happiness made of words like “I’m alive.”

 


Originally written last week Wednesday.

 

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I, Multitasker

I’m a multitasker. And as science points out, I’m horrible at it. Yet, I can’t help it.

By multitasking I mean two different things simultaneously which I won’t distinguish between when using the term. But those two things are different: working on more than one project within a long time frame. Like working on a video that I’m editing and on a poster illustration during the course of a month.

Then there’s the multitasking that is when I quickly switch between tasks within a short time frame. Like when I read emails. Then open up photoshop and start drawing, then go back to answer emails, then look at social media, then go back to painting, then I look up prices for a new headphone, then I finish off writing the email, then I open up word and start writing a blog post. Phew. That was hard.

But both of these have the same benefits and disadvantages.

Benefit: more than one thing that needs to get done is getting done. Like honestly all the things I’m doing are necessary. I do need to write that email. I do have to work on the art. I do have to relax. I do need to write a blog post.

In the same way I can’t just be working on one project at one time. Otherwise I won’t be making enough money. I need to work on the video, and I need to work on the poster. And since I rely on feedback, there are times when I can’t work on one or the other. Sometimes the project is my own art too, and within my own art I’ll work on 2 to 3 pieces at the same time, to keep it going. While one is resting, sinking into me, I can work on the other one.

Disadvantage: I’m going crazy and not delivering the best I can. And right now, it feels like the disadvantage is a little bit too much.

So. Stop it. I tell you, because I know you also do it. And I’ll tell myself that too as well. But, ok. Maybe we can’t fully stop. But I do think we can stop for 10 minutes everyday and not multi-task. Focus on one thing – your body, your breath.

How are you feeling? How does your legs feel?

Your hands? Shoulders?

The muscles on your face? On your feet?

Feel your body.

Breathe.


 

I actually wrote this at the end of summer, and just edited now. But this week it felt very valid and I decided to share. Enjoy. Also, I have an episode from Orange Unicorn that relates to this.

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Orange Unicorn – Breaaaaaathe 03

Orange Unicorn - Webcomic - Meditation and MindfulnessOrange-Unicorn_003BOrange-Unicorn_003C

I’ve been needing presence of mind. With the first week of classes of my junior year under my belt, all I wanted this past week was rest and to be present. To learn as much as I can, but also to enjoy it, and find pleasure in the small things. This is also how I survived my freshman year.


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Your support means a lot to me: it helps me keep going. Going. Going. So if you’d like to stay updated with the webcomic make sure to follow the blog!

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